:(

Why must him always like to get mad?
why must him always hurt me?
why must him always don't think before act?
why must him never understand my feelings?
why..
why..
why...

These whole "why" make me can't even fall asleep.
i shall think, can we go on like this?
can we have a good future?
can we make happiness?

the answer now in my head is DON'T KNOW!!
If i can choose, i will never choose him.
OR..
Shall say, I should thanked him for these dayss...

Merci beaucoup

So, if you guys noticed bout my previous post. I lost my job for about 1 week time. Throughout all this period. Many of my friend from known to unknown. From close to unclosed. From darling to honey. All of this way, they are so supportive. Some of them even help me to look for a job and persuade me whenever my mood is down- I can say my mood is everyday going down till now. Can't deny, everyone of you if you gone through my case. I bet, you are the same way as mine.

I am here to thank one by one of you. Let see the lists.

Me: I'm jobless honey. =(
My baby: Are you serious? Ohh..Come' on. (He hug me tight and kiss my forehead when i was about to cry. He is the best boyfriend ever in the entire world. Showering me his love and care as always, needless to say in this suckiest period now!)

Me: Ah mi, I jobless again.
Ah Mi: Har! Oh dear, sorry to hear that! Mmmm gen yiu la, dong ka mm ta, ta sai ka lor. Soh nui lei geh, man man wen lor! *she end this words with laugh* ( When i heard her laugh, my tears started to drop. And then i holded it. I reply to her " hailo, ngo yat ding wen dou geh, haha " Family is the big support for me! So happy to heard from them. XD)

So far, i was put my title in my FaceBook, MSN, or blog with " any job recommended? " There comes the supporters. Just list out some.

Ah Eva: Sure can find one! Don't worry. Add oil ya~ :)

Connie: Slow slow find lo, Sure can one! Good luck!

Cat: Oh dear, gambateh! You sure can find a better new one out there! :D

Duncan: (He put it in his msn title) Hope scJ get it soon!!! (Thanks darling, for your kind words! So touch =])

Kee: Jane, u ok not? If not, come out dinner. I can keep you companion. Treat u big dinner. HAHA. Don't so sad. Sure can get one!

小雯: Come out dinner on tues or thurs! We celebrate your birthday! Don't think of bad things! Hehe.. (If she didn't mentioned of my birthday is coming, I totally forgot :S thanks girl)

снου, ѕειнαο: I will send you a sms later. Check it out! (Thanks buddy for your kindness-he send me his job searched he found in the jobstreet for me to send out my resume. Few some more. Really thanks a lots bud.)


Here was the few of the supporters, for the rest i didn't mentioned here do not mean I didn't appreciated your kindness. It is just because there is too many of you who care about me. Can't list it now. I really thanks and appreciate a lots for all your care and sharing! When i say REALLY, I do meant it! :D


I am so thankful!!


ta!

Depression Tuesday

Early in the morning.. Something went wrong with the boyfriend over a stupid idiot small thing.. This isn't a good sign for Tuesday today. I guess i'm having a PMS again..

What's good things to do when you having this abnormal uncomfortable feeling of pms? This went through my mind right after thinking of it for 2 seconds..

- lying on the bed with a cup of favorite ice-cream and a favorite magazine.
- sitting in the pleasant evening having a cup of cappucino and a blueberry cheese cake in a favorite coffee shop Starbucks.
- surfing the website to get myself inspired for the things i like and wish to do.
- peeping outside the window to let the cold wind blow onto my face to refresh me
- go shopping without having thoughts of money not enough and shop till the moon shinning in the dark
- text or call up the boyfriend to tell him that i need a hug or a kiss right now

Somehow....
I am in the office now and seems all these cannot to be accomplish!!!!!!!! What is this!? I mean, why i have to think this in the office! Shit!

Getting more emo.. :(

* Some-what this is done by my colleague-Hyman for his friend, which inspired me! Love it! So nice! *

What a day!!

April lists

Hurayyy!! 1 more week to go to get my salary! Hehe..

So far, i already have many things to get this month.

1) Charles & Keith tote: My first sight of love! Once i spotted it, I fall in love with it already. It's in blue in colour @.@
2) I want to change hp! ><" [as i got my LG cookie last 2 months and i found out it's suck!! so im gonna change it again]
3) Shiseido whitening set! This cost me the most expensive one! @@"


As i mentioned in my Facebook, "My first task to achieve! Financial Management! Gonna save up to 60% of my income to achieving my another goals"

How my first task can be achieve? Gosh! :(

Randomness pics! Taken when i was home! Forgot took my camera and this is using my stupid touch ph to snap.

* me and my stupid bro *

I am crazy!

Some of you knows as I blog frequently recently if you stick with my blog. Bluff me. There is no one here instead besides me. Honestly, I wont mind whether got anyone read my blog or not because this is my online diary and so, this is where i spent my time when i am dead bored.

I got a crazy mind thinking now, yes, right now!
What will it be happened if work or study in western countries like UK, Aussie, or USA? I am really got think about it that i don't care anything everyone besides me and fly there to achieve my dreams. Yes, it was my dream when i was about 18. Funny huh! I like 4 seasons countries. It's like changing mood in every few of the months like ME - mood swaying now. Don't really know what i want. Don't you think its wonderful? ermm.. Frankly, if i have this chance i will do it! Stay in the west countries for about few years fulfilling my dream whatever it is.

Autumn is the season i like most. It is so relaxing feel. And i like to see the tree changing its new skin and growing its new leaves. Leaves drop one by one. And most of all, I like the color of nature. It's amazing.

I am planning it.
And so, i put my relationship into a risk. Definitely.
I don't want to loose him instead. What i am thinking?! it's just a dream.
But I really hope to do so once in my whole life.
I am charging forwards, without a doubt!

The emo

Don't really know what is my feelings now. A bit like unhappy-depression-brain stucked-no motivate- etc and etc. I am now fully in holiday and CNY mood i tell you. Someone asked me why so early got this kinda mood? I have no reason to state why. Just can't speak it out!

Many things have to plan recently especially in year 2009. So confuse which one should I start first! :S I think it's not a good year for me since everything seems not right. hmmm..I just so EMO. Don't ask me why, I DON'T KNOW! =(

Did you guys notice that few of my 'says' i didn't post any of randoms pictures? So plain and weird rite. And it is so boring.. That is because my digi-cam is not right beside me now. I miss it very much. Gotta get it soon. Hehe. No worries. More pics will upload soon or later. Once I get back my camera. Weeee*

I repeat!!! I am so moody and in holiday mood. HOW? :(

Can't wait!

For your information, i am now is in holiday mood! I can't wait to back home this month and this year indeed. Can't wait to leave my steps in Singapore. Just can't wait every happening thing later. I will back to Malaysia during CNY. Miss my family so damn much. It's been 2 months i never see them. What i can say, I homesick! Very badly. :(

Just now i got a meeting with bosses. What a good news for me , also, it might be a bad news if the management run sucks after this. There is a investor who took his risk to invest in our company. I hope every things going smooth this new year of 2009. As they said, "Today is a new chapter of life" Meaningful right? =)

Looking forward to the new management and also my new start! :D

Once again, Happy New Year to all of you.

The very last day of the year 2008!

Today.
31st December 2008.
What a day! For me.. today is nothing special. Just want it to pass faster. Can't wait the clock strike into 12am. Im not going to any celebration or countdown. Sorry. Just hate crowd. Wish to have a simple dinner with my loves one. And can't wait for my new stuffs. New year! New stuff! It's so cool!

Have been asking myself since last night what i've been done for this whole 2008. What i achieved within this year? Nothing. What is my dream in year 2008? Bet my luck to win toto. *bwhahahahaha* What is my passion? :S What is my vision in 2009? Totally blank.

I bet everyone already set a mindset of what they should do in year 2009, right?
So, i wish all of you have a very prosperous new year! Let us hope for the new start in year 2009! Everything is in a smooth.

Happy 2009! =D


* what's on my mind now*
- very lazy to work
- brain stucked
- can't wait to be vain tonight ( not in the crowd )
- can't wait to get muh new stuff
- hope boss not coming in later, and let us go in a half day of work
- missing muh bed
- I WANT TO SHOP NOW! I MEANT IT!! =(

Rain whole day

Rain rain rain...
Wet everywhere..
Feel like don't wanna go out.. Very tired since I slept at 3am last night.

Starving....................... :(
No one at home.
No calls.
No messages.
NOBODY!

Baby still having sweet dreams now! WHAT?!! It's almost 2pm already. =.=!
Honey, can you wake up now? I'm starving. ;(

Give me a second...
%#%#$$!#@!#$%##@#$@$!#$%$@!#$#$
WAKEEEEEEEEE UPPPPPPPPPPPPP NOWWWWWWWWWWWW!! I'm gonna kick his ass if he still not awake in 10 mins. urrghhhhhh!!

Releasing

I feel like everything is slowing down. It's like.. release?

-Okay, clients meeting today going very smooth..
-Baby having a good day.. And he gave me a kiss just now. How happy. =)
-Room is messy. I think i need to do housekeeping already.
-Wireless line suckssssssss.. =(
-This Saturday. Meet my best friends ever. Bet buds, best chicks, best companions in my study life. Feel like kissing them non-stop. Haha. Can't wait for it. Miss u guys lots. :D
-Party still on.
-And at last.. Missing someone whom I can't miss for now! Really miss a lot.. a lot.. I did!! Remember, I always be there.

Feel like wanna watch Gossip girl. Catch ya later again.. ;)

:(

Just..... SAD!


=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(=(

Love you darling

I got no words to describe about you. I just want to thank you so much for what you have done to me. Your surprise, your support, your guidance, your everything. I meant it.

I know you are changing now. Change to better or even better. You have been working so hard to make us a better life in future. What you did is all for our own good. I really really appreciate it a lot. Last night, you gave me a huge confident to myself. Whenever I drop down from the bus, you poked me behind and I am very happy to see you there, very.. happy. It’s like I can’t imagine what it will happen if I can’t find that building for my hope in front. Luckily you was there with me. I uh... so glad you go every steps with me I can say, you are my hope. Yeah, we did have a good talk ‘gain last night.

Recently, uhm.. I really unhappy, really..

Well.. don’t worry darling. I won’t give up anyway. Uhmm… I do like the us right now and I hope you do like that way too, of us. =)

xoxo

P/S: This post is meant nothing here. I just wana entertain myself and self-thinking what I thought right now. You know.. uhm.. ya… Just A THOUGHT! Anyway, just ignore this post.

Unsecured

What would you think when everyone and everything beside you in the same times are unsecured?

How do you feel about that? Scary? Horrible?

For me, it’s sucks!! :(

Date: 6/11/2008
Time: 4.03pm

Starting to worry

Erm.. Guess.. I had been age didn't update my blog.. Why?
I am very worried.. :( I already resigned from my company due to the suckiest of bosses, poor management, political, and low benefits. They even cut-pay regarding to the economics going down in US. Boss said that it affected our company and he want to cut-down the cost in our company. What a selfish bosses!!


Kinda sad and worried after I tendered! I will miss my colleague so much! Good luck to them who wish to stay.
And now, I'm starting to worry that do I get the new job soon? Good pay? Good boss? Erm. Not dare to think so. I know I was doing the stupid decision as many people told me not to resign by this time because of the economic is slowing down. BUT I will not regret of what i have decided! I will prove to them. I will much more better i future. I hope so so so so..

Wish me luck buddy. :S

When things turn over

It just great!!
From emo to the feelings that changed suddenly!

There is another different view from being abandoned.
Alone...
Listening to the musics that I loves...
Reading the novel that I just new bought yesterday....

At home...


It's just... Feeling GREAT! :)

* I will having dinner with my Babyboo later.. When things turn over, it's another differences of things. The things that... you will feel that you are not alone. *

Good Sunday night readers =)

Huh?!

Why sounds sigh~
Haiz.... You know when somebody have fun outside while you are being abandoned at home with no calls, no sms, and with nobody. Is like arrghhh~ Neglected!!

Feeling so emo.
How can it be? I supposed to be 'OK' with it! Am I? What a stupid question. Haiz...
I was thinking.... If I play-acting on the phone say that I need him badly, is it too much to the selfishness? *slap slap*
Oh. I can't do that. I already promised to be alone at home today all by myself.
WHATEVER!!

Too much of thinking!!!! I need my Babyboo now!!!! :'(

Great Sunday people!

rainy day

It's raining today. Not much activities I can do. I was planning to do shopping today but this kind of wheather is not allow me to carry on. What a bad day! Well, it is not much bad thou. Coz I can do whatever I like at home in this cold wheather.. It's wet everywhere. =) Just resting at home while doing some assignments for my friend.

Logo and web design layout for him and now it is just the beginning and it was done only 5 % of it. Lolz..
Actually hor, I promised to show him on Monday but I think I cannot make it. I am damn lazy now la. And hor, I got some stupid quarrel with my stupid boyfriend. Sigh~ Why he always like that one? Arrrghhhhhhh~ I hate him so much! When he sweet, he's really very sweet to you, but when he get mad. OMG~ Take my life better than being his toy. DAMN!!!!

Arrghhhhhh~!! Forget about him! Affected my mood anyway. Nevermind nevermind.. I still have some companion here. Hehe.. =) The next seconds will be better ya!

It's so boring when nobody talk to you..This is what i am now.. The Rainy Day is such a bad day for me! :(
And when boredom attacked, this is most probably what i did! tee hee*

Randomness thought

Argggghhhhhhhhhhhhh~

I need to shop now!!
Sob Sob~ No one accompany me go =(


And I am started to love fighting fish.They are so beautiful. How to say. I know this is not a girls like but really salute their beauty! Love it.






* I still haven start to burn my lomo pics! Sigh~ Anyone help me to complete my first roll? I don't know what I shoot. Erm.. Wondering how is the outcome? Haha.. *

Sometimes....

Sometimes.....
I really wanted to give up whatever i did for him..

Sometimes.....
I really don't know he is the one to walk with me in my entire life..

Sometimes.....
I don't know I can stand still for how long with this..

Sometimes.....
I am waiting for a miracle to appear in me for once in my whole life..

Sometimes.....
His behavior is not a human did!!

And sometimes.....
I did HATE him truly deep inside my heart!!

And....
There is no more patient on me now! I am going to think it deeply whether I want to continue this relationship on me now!

I am talking serious about it!!!

What?

What is Graphic and GD?

Ok! I’ve been work as a graphic designer for one year and one month. I’m going to tell you, I AM LOST AGAIN!

WTH is going on me? I don’ t like my job! I am repeating doing the same thing everyday. I felt like horror when think about to work everyday. I did for no point by designing someone don’t know appreciate my works and my design. What’s the point I did all the hard work for over a year and some one say it like shit!

I HATE MY JOB! THIS IS THRUTH!

I felt like someone controlling my life and my freedom! Was that a graphic designer job? It’s slightly different from what I am thinking. Very different! What is all this? I’m started to blame myself. Choosing the wrong way to the path of my future. I do love drawing and design thingys. But maybe I express it in a super wrong way. This make me hate design!

I’m kinda blur what is graphic and GD now. I’m so tired!

I need a long vacation but HOW? I can’t run before my contract end. I’m so confusing! I don’t know what to do!

I HATE MY JOB AND I HATE DESIGN!!